How to Describe What You're Looking For

Being clear about your intentions filters out incompatible people. Here's how to do it right.

If you want a serious relationship

Be direct but warm: "I'm looking for something real. Someone to build a genuine connection with."
Show vulnerability: "I'm ready for a committed relationship with the right person."
Be specific: "Looking for a long-term partner. Someone I can see a future with."
Express your values: "I believe in open communication, trust, and loyalty in relationships."

This attracts people who are also serious, and filters out people looking for casual connections.

If you want casual/dating around

Be honest (not crude): "I'm open to seeing where things go without pressure."
Be clear: "Looking to date casually and have fun."
Avoid false mixed messages: Don't say you're looking for serious if you're not. It's disrespectful.
Show enthusiasm: "Let's see if we click and take it from there."

This attracts people who want the same thing and avoids hurting people looking for commitment.

If you're unsure (which is okay)

Be honest about that too: "I'm open to something real if there's chemistry, but I'm not in a rush."
Express openness: "Looking to meet someone genuine and see where it naturally goes."
Don't fake clarity: If you're genuinely not sure, say that. It's better than leading people on.

This attracts people who are flexible and willing to discover compatibility naturally.

Phrases that work well

✓ "I'm looking for a real connection."
✓ "I want someone I can be myself with."
✓ "Looking for a partner in crime."
✓ "I'm ready for something serious."
✓ "Let's grab coffee and see if we click."
✓ "I value honesty and communication."
✓ "Looking to date intentionally."
✓ "I want someone who gets me."

Red flag phrases (avoid)

✗ "I don't believe in commitment" (too negative)
✗ "Just trying to see what happens" (vague and wishy-washy)
✗ "Looking for someone to complete me" (unhealthy)
✗ "I'm too busy for a relationship" (why are you on dating apps then?)
✗ "Looking for someone who won't bother me" (dismissive)
✗ Saying you want something serious when you actually want casual (deceptive)

Location on your profile

Most apps have a section where you select "relationship goal" or similar. Use it. This is the #1 place to be clear. If there's no official section, mention it in your bio naturally: "Looking for a serious relationship" or "Just here to have fun and meet new people."

What NOT to do

Don't say you want serious when you want casual. It's manipulative and hurts people.
Don't be vague hoping it doesn't matter. It does. People deserve to know what you want.
Don't change your answer depending on who matches with you. Be consistent.
Don't judge people for wanting different things. If someone wants casual and you want serious, you're just incompatible—not better or worse.

Communication in conversations

Your profile makes your intentions clear, but in conversations, reinforce it naturally. If someone asks "What are you looking for?" be honest. If your intentions shift (rare but happens), tell them. People respect honesty.

Bottom line: Be honest about what you want. Serious, casual, or unsure—just say it. This filters for compatibility and respects people's time. The right person will appreciate your clarity.